


Hollywootopia

by Seizurefag



Category: BoJack Horseman, Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8614432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seizurefag/pseuds/Seizurefag
Summary: Nick and Judy are hanging out when Nick remembers an old friendNot sure if I'll ever be proud of this.





	1. Wintertime Diner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy and Nick eat at a busy diner to take their minds off things.

Over the clinking of utensils and dishware that permeated throughout the old diner, Nicholas Wilde's voice carried like a siren's call, luring all those within earshot to his presence and enthralling them with his charm and wit. Despite the hustle and bustle of the overworked servicemammals each trying to earn their college tuition, the fox was experienced when it came to speaking over busy crowds. Yes, Wilde was the type of fox that could easily maintain an audible volume without ever letting it become too audible- otherwise his recent, yet vicious mockery of the overcompensating tiger at the far side of the restaurant could have earned him more than just a few chuckles. He was kinda skilled like that; a little fact of which he would never fail to remind you.

"... So that's when I said, 'Who cares; just give me the rope already!'"

Judy groaned in response to the punchline of Nick's "true" story. She wanted to tell him off for his boasting, but his little congregation was eating it up as if it were the most captivating thing in the world, and Judy was never the type to interrupt anyone's fun- that is, as long as it was legal. Besides, Nick's stories would often involve detailed descriptions and Judy's bravery and skill as a cop, so after all the shit she had to go through as the world's first rabbit officer she felt that she deserved a bit of ass-kissing every once and a while. Even then, she would have to interject her point of view into the stories to make sure mammals gave Nick the credit he deserved, too. After all, was it not Nick who had come up with the plan to put blueberries in Bellwether's custom-manufactured nighthowler pistol during the chase at the Natural History Museum? Was it not Nick who later casually suggested in the middle of Bogo's annual safety lecture (much to the buffalo's great annoyance) that the Armaments Department try to replicate Bellwether's design, which in turned insured the ZPD a more effective and ethical solution to administrating TranQ to aggressive criminals from a safe distance? Was it not Nick who risked life and limb to use said pistol to save Judy's skin a total of three times already while on the beat? Was it not Nick who-

Judy was shaken out of her musings when she realised a silence had befallen the small audience gathered around her and Nick. She briefly cursed both Nick's charm for attracting these mammals and her own social ineptitude for not paying attention to what was being said. A vixen stared expectedly at her, and only through the grace of directed stares did Judy realise she was the source of the interruption. She blanked for a bit before making the choice to just bluff her way back into the conversation.

"Y-yes, it's true." Judy, you are one smooth bunny

A collection of bemused expressions and sympathetic looks went through the crowd. Judy's brain, which finally caught up to her, immediately set every switch to 'panic' as she realised that it would have been a better idea to admit that she was spacing out than to admit to whatever the heck she had just been asked. Horrified, she looked up to Nick, sitting next to her with tears leaking out of his eyes as he tried to repress a laugh that threatened to shred the last pieces of the rabbit's dignity.

"What? What?! Nick, what did I just admit to?" 'Oh lord,' she thought, 'it had nothing to do with Nick and I, right? I didn't just make our friendship awkward, did I?'

Nick was able to compose himself enough to actually make a response. "Relax, 'Jude the Dude,' no one's said anything."

Oh.

Oh no.

Not only did Nick somehow figure out that archaic and downright demeaning nickname from her youth, but now eight whole other strangers now knew? She could see the tabloids now: "Officer JUDE Hopps? Find Out The Inside Scoop On How This Once Inspiring Doe Turned Buck!" or "Watch as Stupid Bitch Fox Lady #SpillstheBeans on Last Night's Embarrassing Bunny Blunder" Her eyes narrowed as she now saw how buddy-buddy that vixen that asked her the question was getting with Nick. What had previously been obscure was now clear: that vixen wanted to be with Nick and was just using Judy's distraction as a stepping stone into his pants! With this insane leap in logic, Judy decided she wasn't hungry anymore, and the group's jovial mirth turned into open ridicule within her ears. She hopped down from the stool, grabbed her coat, and immediately took off into the night air-

-and just as quickly regretted it. The freezing air instantly sobered her heated head, allowing her to figure out what had just happened. Tabloids? What rational part of her mind thought that those eight mammals cared enough about a silly nickname to try and generate drama about her? Oh lord, did she just get mad at Nick for cracking a joke? That was Nick's defining characteristic; their entire relationship was built upon the witty banter they shared with one another. How could she get mad at him for that? This was supposed to be a night out between friends and she probably just ruined it. 

'Good one, Judy,' she thought, bitterly. 

'Real smooth.' 

However, determined to never let a mistake go uncorrected, Judy sped back to the diner at a brisk pace to hopefully catch Nick for an apology before he left.

She was back at the entrance when someone stepped out of the shadows of the parking lot. As the light from the diner spilled out of the windows onto the pavement below, it illuminated the stranger's face. It was red and sharp, matched with beautiful emerald eyes that were saturated with concern.

"Oh. Nick.

Look, Nick, I'm sorry that I stormed out of the restaurant like that, I-I just got really flustered about my childhood nickname and, in an ironic turn of events, lashed out in an incredibly immature manner. I now understand you were just picking on me because you somehow learned my old nickname which I'm still curious about but I blamed that poor vixen and she probably doesn't even know who I am and I got mad at her because I thought she wanted to replace me as your friend because I assumed she wanted to get close to someone famous to become famous herself and because of that I thought she'd tell the Midnight Star that my parents still call me 'Jude The Dude' in public and because of that it's somehow proof that I'm still just a carrot farming bunny and everyone that reads it would would make fun of me and my family despite them being good people in their hearts even if they tend to get overbearing and-"

"Hopps, remember to breathe."

"Oh, sorry Nick." She inhaled deeply. "Whew. Okay.

Reacting based on emotion instead of logic isn't like me, Nick, and I'm sorry that you had to see me embarrassing myself like that."

A beat passed before Nick's trademark smirk returned.

"Alright, Carrots, here's the deal:" he bent down and pulled out something from behind his back, "I came out here to find you and tell you that you forgot to grab these earmuffs for your sensitive and floppy bunny ears-"

Judy interrupted him by hastily grabbing her earmuffs back from him. She understood what this meant, even if she knew he would never admit to it. It was his way of forgiving her for her outburst, and apologising for causing it.

"-and also that I took your leftovers; which, might I add, so kind of you to have left them behind for me- very thoughtful. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to put them into this convenient styrofoam container for safekeeping, and you know how much I love second-hand food. I was gonna eat it myself, but since you're here, I wouldn't want to make you feel left out."

Judy took the food box in her paws and slowly met his eyes. The translation in Judy's head told her he was sorry for ruining your appetite and interrupting their night off-duty.

Nick, however, continued right on in his classically facetious way, "Still and all, while you're busy internalising your eternal gratitude towards me, I yet sit here, worse for the wear. My fancy dinner night has been tragically cut short, Carrots, what ever am I to do? Now, I was considering going home by myself, reheating this cold food in a microwave and putting on some recent blockbuster- I was thinking maybe that new Captain Zootopia or Deadpoodle- but if you feel the absolute need to externalize some of that aforementioned gratitude, you're welcome to join me. Oh!- I hear Nutflix has the rights to show Arrestud Antelopement*, which is absolutely insane because I was actually on that show. But hey, that's only if you're willing to pay off any part of the gratitude you still owe me; which, as we clarified earlier-"

Judy cocked her head, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Oh, right, your eternal gratitude towards me. Color me surprised: I didn't realise that you could internalise it so well that you would have forgotten it had even existed. Well, if you'd like, I know some great therapists that would just love to-"

"Not that part, asshole." Judy give him a light punch on the arm, trying and subsequently failing to appear irritated at him. "Alright, fine, let's go watch this stupid show of yours."

Nick responded with a self-satisfied look before taking off in the direction of his house. "Sure thing, darlin'. One underappreciated series coming right up!"

Judy quickly followed suit, grateful that Nick had forgiven her so quickly for causing such a scene over such a trivial gag. Maybe she should see an expert about her fears of failure some time soon, but she quickly decided that it could wait. Right now, Judy wanted nothing more than respite from the cold night air and a silly show to watch with her best friend in the whole world. Judy's thoughts were interrupted when she noticed Nick was eyeing her.

"You know," Nick slowly began once he realised he'd been caught, "You looked absolutely adorable when you stormed out of the diner in a blind rage."

Judy looked blankly at him for a split second before she returned a sly glance in his direction.

"You know," she started, "I should definitely be warning you that bunnies don't tend to like it when non-bunnies call them 'adorable' and whatnot."

"Yes," came the snappy reply. "You definitely should."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *kill me  
> "What Is This, An Unoriginal and Lazily Written Crossover Episode?"
> 
> So that ends 'chapter' 1 of the first fanfic I've ever written. I don't know how to format using this system, so I really want your tips and/or criticisms so that I may improve. Don't think of me as a writer, think of me as some dick that wants attention. As for how this story's gonna go: I just hope I don't decide to write adultery or suicide into my first fanfic ever, but after watching BoJack, I'm not certain anymore.
> 
> But, yes, this is going to be a crossover fic. It certainly doesn't show at the moment, but trust me, it'll get there. Probably


	2. The Mechanical Penthouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy accepts a Fox's invitation to his den.

"Nick."

"Yes, Carrots?"

"This fox doesn't even look like you."

Judy had faced lot of disappointment in her life. As a child asking her parents for approval, she was crushed to find that they would never believe in her dream of becoming a police officer. As a teenager going to the school dance, her heart broke to hear that pretty boy Fiver was taking Rosianna (who, in her envy, Judy likened to a fat slut) instead of her. However, nothing had prepared her for the moment she stepped inside Nick's "mechanical penthouse." What she had failed to realise was that the term stemmed from a nickname the repairmen gave it to openly mock the amount of time they had to spend inside of it. In truth, it was just little more than a glorified boiler room that Nick had embellished with some appliances and furniture. The building that housed it was seated at the very edge of the city between the suburban areas near the Rainforest District and the actual city itself, an offering that Nick referred to as "the perfect blend between survivable environment and cheap housing." Judy couldn't help but feel the fox was being a bit generous with the term "survivable"- Judy found herself being forced to duck under large piping to even get through the door- but when considering his continued effectiveness on patrol, she eventually opted to let it go. Still, she felt guilty that Nick was living in such squalor. Even The Grand Pangolin Arms offered a complimentary de-lousing once a month and a location close to work. Reflecting on all the times Judy had criticised her partner's inability to arrive to work on time, she had begun to feel the slightest tinge of regret.

The regret did not last long, however, for as soon as Nick brought her to his "Nick-elodeon," the feeling was replaced with envy. That, and an intense desire to hurt him for such a terrible pun. Despite the run-down appearance of the actual 'apartment,' Nick lavished attention upon the furniture choices when sprucing it up. The pair were currently stretched out on opposite ends of a luxury sofa, watching Arrestud Antelopement* on a 50 inch Lion Goldstein television. Nick, ever susceptible to praise, must have noticed the way she stared at his belongings. "$200 a day, fluff," Nick chided, which only furthered her confusion about the so-called suite in which he resided. Opting to ignore the fox's strange living arrangements for now, Judy settled on spending the time cracking jokes at the characters' expenses. It had started out innocently enough: Judy would complain about the plot, Nick would set up a joke, Judy would miss the opportunity to deliver the punchline, and then Nick would chastise her for her absolute lack of wit.

Needless to say, the night was going perfectly.

That was, until Judy's criticisms changed from the characters and instead began to bear down upon the actors and screenwriters. On the screen, the fox protagonist, Mick, was in a heated debate with his horse brother, Cob. They were chasing each other around a courtyard in a personal squabble over the love of Cob's spanish ibex girlfriend, much to the dismay of their family. It was here when Judy decided to reveal her doubts about Nick's claim that he was in fact the famed fox on the screen.

"I guess that just goes to show you how good of a job the prosthetic makeup department did," came Nick's easy reply.

"You never seriously expected me to believe that, right? His head isn't even the same shape as yours, Nick. In fact, I'll list the similarities: you sound like him and that's it. That's the only similarity. It's less believable than a horse and a fox being brothers fighting over a relationship with a goat."

Nick frowned slightly at Judy's words and turned his head away from her. With his face obscured, Judy found it impossible to read him, but felt as if what she had said had somehow offended her good friend. However, Nick words came as though nothing were the matter. "Aww, come off it, Carrots; jealousy is unbecoming. Just because no one ever fought over you doesn't mean you get to criticise true love"

Judy rolled her eyes at the crack about her love life. Still, she was glad that he was willing to continue their banter, even if she didn't understand why he seemed upset. Hoping to keep the atmosphere light, she responded to his teasing in kind, "Perhaps the main reason why I don't believe that you're Mick is because I don't think you could ever act as selfless and kind in nature as he does for any prolonged period of time, let alone for multiple seasons of a show."

"Ooh, that stings," Nick admitted in a mocking manner, much to Judy's relief, "I take pride in my generosity, and to hear those words coming from you causes me great pain."

"Speaking of generosity-" Nick got up to go to his refrigerator on the other side of the the floor, deliberately walking in front of Judy just as the ibex in the show started yelling at the brothers for their squabble. Ignoring Judy's look of annoyance at the interruption, he entered his sorry excuse for a kitchen before calling out: "-Hopps, did want anything from the fridge?"

"Yes; I want you to put on an actually good show" Judy teasingly responded.

She barely had time to react as a water bottle came careening dangerously close to her ears. It bounced harmlessly off a nearby industrial heat vent, but Judy gave a small chuckle at the gesture. 'That's odd,' thought Judy, 'horsing around is usually my thing.'

Nick unceremoniously plopped down on the couch next to her with another two bottles, offering one up to her as a token of peace.

"There, Carrots. Don't let me ever hear you slant my good nature ever again."

Judy pretended to gasp. "Good nature? Heaven help us, what have you done with the real Nick?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, there must be some confusion. You see, I'm clearly not this 'Nick' you keep referencing; I'm just the actor for Mick in Arrestud Antelopement. I didn't realise that you were confusing Nick and I for the same mammal this whole time."

Judy raise an eyebrow at him and, smirking, went back to watching the show. Together, they let the conversation drop for a little while, silently agreeing to watch the show with just each others' company. Eventually, the episode drew to a close, and the clock was nearing a time at which busy officers needed their rest. Nick was getting ready to turn off the television when Judy finally broke the silence.

"Nick, why do you live like this?"

Nick was slightly taken aback at the sudden question, but responded quickly: "Well, Rabbit, this place is peaceful. Other arrangements that I looked into made it rather difficult to concentrate, what with intrusive landlords and the like. I don't expect to be frustrated while in the comfort of my own home, so I decided on a place where the only interruption is the occasional worker making an annual check-up." Nick turned to his bunny companion and gave a facetiously reproachful gaze. "Isn't it you that loves to complain about their crazy neighbors that keep them up all night? Maybe bunnies work differently, but we foxes like to get our beauty sleep every once and a while."

"Oh, harr harr," responded Judy sardonically. "But that's just the thing, Nick; when my neighbors are yelling at each other, it's much easier for me to focus my frustration towards them than think about all the mistakes I may have made that day." Judy sighed, the aggravation over her inability to properly communicate her feelings beginning to build up. "Sometimes it's nice to have something to vent about to your friends. I mean, without having to actually, you know, open up to them. Being able to get something off your chest just gets you closer to someone, if that makes sense."

A beat passed before Nick realised he was still staring at her. During this time, the still-running Nutflix had switched to the next episode in the season.

"Wow, Fluff," He started. "How uncharacteristically poignant."

This time, it was Judy's turn to hurl something at the source of her displeasure. Fortunately for Nick, the water bottle that she so callously threw had already been drained of its contents, therefore losing all momentum by the time it could make impact with his chest. Raising his eyebrows at her, Nick braved a response:

"Carrots, I have half a mind to turn you in for the assault of a police officer. As it is, I'll let you off with a meagre warning in hopes you never have to subdue anyone larger than a weasel." Nick looked at the television for a brief moment before his face dropped it's classic smug demeanor in place pf a more wistful look. Re-opening his mouth to speak, Nick changed the tone of the conversation.

"You know, you sounded a great deal like BoJack just then."

Judy's confusion caused a great awkward silence to grow. Nick looked back at her, as if he were verifying if she had even heard him at all. The complete lack of understanding must have been evident on her face, because Nick gestured at the horse on the screen before continuing. "Cob's actor. It's just that there was something in the way you said that reminded me of the-" Nick paused to gesture abstractly towards the television "-weird little things he'd say when we were alone together." Nick laughed softly to himself. "It's funny: you don't realise how much you miss someone until you start thinking about them."

Judy gave him a once over before saying anything. "Nick, you know I'll never believe that you were ever, in any life, the actor 'Jason Batemammal', right?"

Nick let out a soft exhalation out of his nose and smirked at her. "Oh, don't believe me? I'll get us all out to a fancy dinner sometime; you, BoJack and I; and we'll all catch up on what we've been up to since we last saw each other." Nick began to get swept up in the momentum of his own excitement, which bubbled into his words like a child in a candy store. "Who knows, maybe we'll even see if that old coot ever decided to settle down with someone nice. Probably not, though, that scoundrel." Nick added, with a tint of admiration in his words.

As much as she would have liked to deny it, Judy couldn't help but feel the contagious effect he had on mammals, and his exuberant anticipation was beginning to change her opinion on the matter as well. She decided that she actually would like to see this happen, if only to prove that he was lying to her. "And how can you assure me that you won't just revert back to life of crime as soon as you two see each other again? If he was friends with you ten years ago, I have several concerns about his criminal record." Judy teased, before lighting up as she was struck with an idea. "Ooh! How does February sound? That's a slow month for crime, and we could always use the vacation."

"Sure thing, Rabbit, I promise to stick to the straight and narrow while with BoJack." Nick held his hand over an invisible bible as he spoke as if testifying for court. "As for next February; it's a date!"

Nick cringed internally at his phrasing, but outwardly made no change to his demeanor. Instead, he coolly moved to turn off the television when Judy interrupted him once again:

"Nick, it's getting pretty late. And also cold," She added, recalling a recent forecast about a storm expected to hit that night, "so I really wouldn't want to go back home at this hour. You don't suppose..." 

Here, she hesitated, suddenly understanding the implications of her suggestion. Could she really ask to sleep here, especially after Nick's whole "date" remark? She didn't want him to think that she had gotten the wrong idea from that, but unfortunately, she also understood it was far too late for her to turn back now. Mentally kicking herself for allowing it to come to this, she pressed on, "This sofa is pretty large, right? I could just, you know. Stay the night?"

Watching Judy stew in her own embarrassment was too great an opportunity to pass up, so Nick made sure to draw out his response for as long as possible. "Well, if I /could/ approve of it, I would have to charge you 500 bucks per hour that you spend wasting space on it. There are warranty violations to consider, of course," Nick began to tap at his chin, as though he were thoughtfully calculating an actual rent for his sofa. "They say rabbits tend to destroy expensive burgundy furniture faster than any other animal in Zootopia, so I will definitely have to cover the risks that come with your proposal. After all, it was because of you that I lost my opportunities in the business that originally paid for this couch." Nick accused, continuing to fuel his flopwop's fluster. Any mammal do the same- just look at her face!- but perhaps he realised that too much teasing might cause her to explode. For the sake of the work it would take to clean up such a fuzzy mess, Nick eased up on the poor bunny: "But, as a friend, I suppose I can give you the first night free of charge. "

Judy contemplated his words. "And what if I decide to ever come here again?"

"Then you had better bring a checkbook, Cottontail." said Nick "My generosity does come with some limits."

And so, watching a corny sitcom on a couch, Judy and Nick fell asleep together.

Platonically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I still hate that I can't come up with a better pun than "Arrestud Antelopement"  
> **Look it up, nickelodeon is a real term
> 
> So, only <4,000 words into this fanfic and I'm already procrastinating. This should have been finished Thursday, but I decided, "Nah, let me rewatch the entirety of the actual Arrested Development series and also put off other work as well because fuck responsibility."
> 
> Thank you for reading it so far, and I'm sorry that anything interesting has yet to happen. I only hope I can fulfill that void in the up and coming one-page-length 'chapters'!
> 
> *EDIT* I would love to thank Clunkbot for taking the time to make a ton of notes on this fiction, and hopefully the edits I have made will allow the story to more neatly flow. I hope to have less stylistic incongruities in the future, and I give my thanks once again to all of you that have read it up to this point.


End file.
